Emotional Awareness = A Stronger Relationship Emotional awareness refers to being able to identify how you feel, where those feelings came from, and responding appropriately. Emotional awareness will strengthen your relationships as it allows you to communicate with others more effectively; reduces misunderstanding; and promotes greater empathy. Emotional awareness does not mean you avoid conflict. Rather, emotional awareness provides the tools to handle conflict with both clarity and respect. People who have a higher degree of emotional awareness tend to identify patterns; express their needs more clearly; and are able to listen to others without becoming defensive.
The process of developing emotional awareness to enhance relationships is a skill that can be developed by practicing simple behaviors and reflecting honestly on your own thoughts and actions.
1. Identify Your Emotions Before You Act
The sooner you acknowledge an emotion, the better chance you have at creating a stronger relationship. Often, conflicts arise from ignoring a person’s feelings and then experiencing a stronger reaction once they feel understood.
Identifying your emotions can reduce the intensity of the emotion, but identifying your emotions also gives you time to think before you react and respond in a more positive manner.
You may ask yourself the following questions:
- At this exact moment, am I feeling anger, fear, shame, stress, or sadness?
- What has happened recently (event) to make you feel this way?
- What do you need to move forward – space, clarity, support, or respect?
2. Identify Triggers and Patterns Over Time
A trigger is something that elicits a strong reaction. In many cases, people develop patterns of reacting due to high levels of stress, low levels of self-confidence, and/or past traumatic experiences. Identifying these patterns over time enables you to respond to the situation with greater maturity and also prevents you from having the same argument repeatedly.
Some common examples of triggers include:
- Being ignored or dismissed
- Misinterpreting tone in messages
- Stress caused by school, work, or family pressures
- Hunger, fatigue, or lack of sleep
• Knowing your triggers will allow you to have better timing and use a calmer voice when engaging in conversation.
3. Express Yourself Using Clearly Defined, Respectful Language
The only way emotional awareness can improve your relationships is if you begin to communicate using emotional awareness. Communication that uses clear, respectful language will help to eliminate blame and promote a sense of collaboration in resolving problems.
“I-statements” refer to statements that describe how you felt, rather than attacking someone. “I-statements” help to reduce the level of defensiveness, which will allow for more productive conversations.
Here are some examples of ways to communicate clearly and respectfully:
- “I felt hurt when the plans were changed without letting me know.”
- “I would like to take a few minutes to calm down before we talk.”
- “I hear what you are saying. I want to share with you my perspective/experience.”
• Short, respectful sentences will help to reduce the likelihood of a conversation escalating into conflict.
4. Develop Repair Skills Following Conflict
All healthy relationships will have disagreements/arguments. What is important is how you reconnect with each other following a difficult moment. The process of reconnecting after a disagreement/argument is known as repair. Trust is built when you show that you are accountable for your actions and willing to work together with others. Repairing a conflict also decreases the anxiety associated with having another conflict in the future.
Repair actions include:
- Apologizing specifically for your behavior and not your feelings
- Restating back what you heard to ensure that you understand the message correctly
- Agreeing on a practical action to take next
- Demonstrating kindness again to the other person after the issue has been resolved
Conclusion
To build stronger relationships through emotional awareness, you will need to develop the skills of recognizing emotions quickly; understanding what triggers your emotions; communicating clearly; and repairing after conflict. These skills will increase the trust you have in one another; decrease the frequency of miscommunication; and provide the foundation for building healthier boundaries and more respectful conversations, especially during times of increased stress. When practiced regularly, emotional awareness is a strength in your relationship that will protect your connections; foster teamwork; and produce respect for you and the people you connect with, through more mature forms of communication and dependable self-regulation.